Graduation Speeches – From a Marketing Perspective

For the first time on my marketing blog I thought I was going to stray a little off topic because graduation ceremonies are on my mind, but then I realized with some effort I could tie it back to marketing.

This past week we attended three Commencements for 4 of our kids (having twins is a blessing) and I listened to at least 6 different presenters give advice to grads. This included the Valedictorians, principals, Chancellors, Presidents, Deans and Graduands (fancy word for one about to graduate : a candidate for a degree).

Usually you only get to go to one graduation in a year so you cannot compare the messages, but I spent more than 8 hours of this past week attending of which I am sure 2 hours of that was advice for the graduates. What I noticed was how unclear the messages were as they were couched in “academic speak”. Most of the time it sounded like an advertisement for Masters and Doctorate degrees. I strained to pick out the salient points and reflect on whether my life reflected the advice provided and really struggled with the messages.

Five Most Frustrating Voice Mail Phrases

There is a great list compiled by Nancy Friedman, Telephone Doctor that I have to share with my readers. I have to check my own voice mail as I probably left a message like this:

“You have reached the cell phone of Mike Blaney, I can’t get to the phone right now as I am with another customer or in a meeting, but as your call is important to me I will call you back as soon as possible.”

The truth is I should have left a message like this:

“Thanks to the wonders of call display I can see it is you and as I have not finished the project that was due yesterday I am not picking up. By avoiding your call and calling back at lunch time, thereby avoiding you again, I will get credit for calling you back without really having to speak with you and make a long list of excuses. You will then call me and I will have left the office buying me one more day”

Here are Nancy’s top five:

1) I’m not at my desk right now: Duh! That’s not news. Let your callers know where you are – not where you’re not. Tell them, “I am in the office all this week” or “I’m in a sales meeting till 3 pm.” Let them know if you will be checking your messages.

2) Your call is very important to me: When hearing this, the caller is thinking, “Well, if I’m so darn important, where the world are you?” Then again, think about it. Maybe the call isn’t so important to you. You just don’t need this phrase.

3) I’m sorry I missed your call: Leave this phrase out! It’s a given. Use the time and space for something more valuable. Like where you are and when you will return! Or, tell callers who they can call for immediate assistance. Mike’s note: Perhaps mention your web site where they can find the answer they are looking for.

4) I’ll call you back as soon as possible: Not interesting and not fun; and according to our Telephone Doctor surveys, probably not true. The truth is, most people aren’t returning their phone calls in a timely fashion. If you’re telling your callers you’ll call them back, make sure you do. Unreturned phone calls rank high on the frustration list. “As soon as possible” is not an effective phrase. All you need is to say, “I will call you back.” Then do it! (Or have it returned on your behalf.)

5) No escape: Remember to tell callers to press zero for the operator if they need more information. Better yet, give them another name and extension. The main point here is to offer an alternative if you’re not there. Plus, you’ve bought back some time to say something interesting or helpful to the caller.

If you have any others let me know and I will add to the list.

How I Feel As A Computer Help Desk

One of the crosses I must bear as a marketing guy is that I know a lot about computers and software. Even though I was born in the ages of the stone tablet, you cannot make it far as a marketing guy without mastering technology.

What I want to know is how people can sense you know something about computers and call you asking for help. Do I give off a scent? Do I look like I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome? Whatever it is I have ended up as a computer resource for many so when I saw this video on Youtube I had to let the world see it.  My understanding is the  original is taken from the show “Øystein og jeg” on Norwegian Broadcasting (NRK)in 2001. With Øystein Backe (helper)and Rune Gokstad (desperate monk). Written by Knut Nærum.

What does this have to do with marketing?  If I have one piece of advice for anyone who wants to improve their marketing, invest time in learning about technology and how it can work for you.

Origin of Words and Expressions

I am amazed at how often we use phrases as metaphors and while we know what the meaning is we don’t know the origin. I wonder if you are using these phrases correctly.

As a marketing guy I am naturally curious and am always looking for an angle so I did a little research some years ago and here are some of my favorites origins:

Throw the Baby Out With the Bath Water
definition – lose a good opportunity as part of a bigger clear-out
Several centuries ago when hot running water was not available, and whole families bathed one after the other in a single tub in front of the fire, traditionally the man of the house bathed first followed by his wife, the children, and finally the baby, by which time the water was so dirty that an immersed infant could not be seen.

Photo by Tracy Woodward

Bated or baited breath
definition – anxious, expectant (expecting explanation, answer, etc)
The former spelling was the original version of the expression, but the term is now often mistakenly corrupted to the latter ‘baited’ in modern use, which wrongly suggests a different origin. Many people seem now to infer a meaning of the breath being metaphorically ‘baited’ (like a trap or a hook, waiting to catch something) instead of the original non-metaphorical original meaning, which simply described the breath being cut short, or stopped (as with a sharp intake of breath). The expression appears in Shakespeare’s The Merchant Of Venice (as bated), which dates its origin as 16th century or earlier. The word bate is a shortened form of abate, both carrying the same meaning (to hold back, reduce, stop, etc), and first appeared in the 1300’s, prior to which the past tense forms were baten and abaten. (Ack J Vaughan)